Mom, I haven’t told you the truth for a long time. The recent calls can’t end well. There are some things in my heart, which are not good for you or me.
It’s not that I don’t understand and don’t worry, but I don’t know what to do. They all said that my heart was very strong, and it seemed that I had a strong endurance. It didn’t matter how many times I failed. But they don’t know I recently never by 2 slept, I don’t know what I’m doing, just quietly in bed, see learning software, for a moment think things, after a while, I shed tears inexplicably. As long as I think of those annoying and frustrated things, I will sweat all over and want to cry. My tears are worthless, but for me, it is the best choice to decompress.
I know that you have been attributing all these mistakes to my failure to work. I have understood this very well, and I am also regretting it. This is the thing I regret most and feel inferior. Therefore, I don’t like being reminded by others. When I think of being alert to I am occasionally, I will feel numb when I hear it. Although many predecessors told me before that the university should also work hard, otherwise it would be suspended and I could not get the certificate. But people are always like this. They have to experience before they understand, and they are often late to understand. What kind of doctor’s degree or vocational high school health school is such a rule, but some people have higher IQ, some have higher EQ, and some have better luck. But my IQ and EQ are not high, and my luck is not good either. You must say again that if you don’t work hard, you will have congenital deficiency and have more than the day after tomorrow. But this is another thing that is easy to say and difficult to do. But now I understand.
Anyway, I am very sensitive now. There are always people who keep caring about my exam. They are all friends and acquaintances. I don’t want to say what they mean, but it feels terrible to be consoled by others for their weaknesses. They are different from you. You are my mother and you are responsible for me, but they are unnecessary, so I am very disgusted with what they do. In short, I am won’t expose others’ scars again and again.
You always say that you miss my senior three most because I am obedient. During that special period, students, teachers and parents were suppressing themselves, so I was obedient. Many people also say that I give people the feeling that I am a good girl, obedient and fond of learning. Others say that I look like a bully. But people who are familiar with me know me. In fact, I am not good and very rebellious. A few years ago, it might be adolescent hormones, but now, I am over 20 years old. I think maybe I am just like this. If I become good in the future, it will be that the society has smoothed the edges and corners of my polygon, which is smooth and worldly-wise and handy for me.
I also miss the days before the college entrance examination, such as the solution of various functions, the ancient poems and essays at hand, the mother who rushed to get there every day because of carsickness, the mother who picked me up at night self-study, and a bowl of steamed eggs every night.
But I enjoyed the first year of junior high school more. I was very sober that whole year. I have no friends, and I am not familiar with everyone. I regard myself as a lone errant every day, enjoying myself and being silent. Working hard for a small mp3, the point is that I won. After that, I lost from the senior high school entrance examination until now.
The last psychological test said that all my pressure came from the fear of the future, not from my parents, society or myself. It seemed that everyone didn’t have high requirements on me. But I am afraid of the future. I am afraid that she will not be satisfied and can not become a useful person.
There is a Buddhist saying that all good and bad situations will not last long.
Night long and then black, always dawn.
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